Hollistic health, centred on inner wellness
A Dara Knot Wellness blog
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If you’re anything like me, the instruction to simply “stay upbeat” or “look on the bright side” can sometimes feel less like helpful advice and more like an impossible demand. Enforcing toxic positivity on someone who’s struggling feels cruel and difficult to manage. The world can feel heavy, our personal struggles can feel immense, and the pressure to perform happiness on top of it all is utterly exhausting.
Sometimes, being upbeat isn’t an option. And that is perfectly okay.
So, instead, we look for glimmers. We acknowledge our day is difficult, but actively look for the small win, the nice experience, or the moment of calm to ground us.
In mental health discussions, we often focus on ‘triggers’—those things that activate our threat response and send our nervous system into a state of defense. But what about the things that cue safety?
Therapist and author Deb Dana, LCSW, introduced a powerful counterpart to triggers: ‘Glimmers.’
Glimmers are small, micro-moments that gently cue our nervous system (part of what is explained in Polyvagal Theory) to feel safe, connected, or calm. They are the opposite of a trigger—they help us find a flicker of warmth in the everyday.
Glimmers are deeply personal. It could be the sound of rainfall, the smell of old books, the first sip of a hot cup of tea, or seeing a dog wag its tail on your walk.
This practice is not about ignoring the darkness; it is about gently training your brain to also notice and savor the positive that is already present.
The key to practicing this when you’re overwhelmed is to keep the steps small and achievable. This isn’t about setting big goals; it’s about learning to spot the candlelight.
Here are a few ways to begin the practice:
The aim is not to be happy. The pressure of that goal can be crushing. The aim is simply to be present. When you feel overwhelmed, gently shift your focus from trying to change your feeling, to simply noticing one neutral or pleasant thing in your immediate environment—like the pattern of the wood grain on your table. It lowers the bar from ‘joy’ to ‘noticing,’ which is far more achievable.
When your entire life, the news, or the future feels like too much to handle, shrink your world down to the next five minutes. Just five. What is one small, kind, or grounding thing you can do for yourself in this tiny pocket of time? Perhaps it’s stretching your arms above your head, drinking a glass of water, or stepping outside for three deep breaths.
You can gently shift the urge to scroll for distraction and use it for self-care instead. Your phone’s camera roll or a private note-taking app can become your Glimmer Record.
This approach allows two seemingly contradictory things to be true at once. For example: “I am feeling deeply anxious about the future, and I can feel the warmth of this cup in my hands.” This honors your struggle while also making space for a glimmer of good to exist alongside it.
Finding your glimmers is a quiet, radical act of self-care. It’s a practice that says, even amidst the very real pain and struggle, there are still moments of peace to be found. And those moments matter.
D Kai Wilson-Viola is an author, activist and lifelong learner. She believes in open, honest communication and holistic wellness that looks not only at how fit you are, but how fit your mind and emotions are in with it. A survivor with CPTSD and anxiety, Kai offers help and her shoulder to anyone that needs it.
When not managing blogs or coding, Kai can be found training at LudoSport, writing books of her own, editing for others, formatting and playing computer games. She has two cats and has been in a long term relationship for over 20 years.
All advice and information offered on this site is offered as is, and you should discuss any treatments you undertake with your GP or other healthcare provider. Unless otherwise identified, our experiences are shared in good faith, but are anecdotal and do not constitue medical advice, but instead, a starting point for your own healing journey.
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